Stone Cold?
by J.C.Anne
Summary: Reyna isn't weak, but that doesn't mean that there aren't times when she breaks. Mainly takes place in the morning the Argo arrives. Rated T for angst and because I'm paranoid of getting in trouble.


Oh my Rowling! My first fanfic... Oh my, this is so nerve-wrecking. It takes place on the day the Argo 2 lands. Anyways, I tried my best to keep Reyna in character as much as possible. Special thanks to Ariana, Amanda, Lucrezia, Hannah, and Tumblr (the website needs it's applause as well) for giving me some ideas for it. Hope you guys like it! :D

Disclaimer: I probably would've killed all the main characters and had you all swim in your own tears before another series was made, but that's up to Uncle Rick who owns the Percy Jackson series and characters.

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I hastily sat up from my bed. Dreams are dangerous for demigods. Dreams are never just dreams. We get messages. We glimpse things that are happening to our friends and enemies. Sometimes we even glimpse the past or the future. In this case, the set I recently had were just memories. But was that all they were? Memories? What if they were to happen again? What if the pirates came back, as impossible as it sounded? What if I had to relive this hell of a ride all over again? What if I was kidnapped again and forced to- I didn't realize that my knuckles were white from the strong grip I had exerted onto the blanket. I smoothened my nightgown and swung my legs off the side of the bed. Suddenly feeling unclean from remembering what I had been forced to do years ago, I limped to the bathroom. My knees felt weak while I washed my hands. Looking up to the mirror, my reflection looked more different from what I've thought. I looked pathetic with swollen red eyes.

Judging from the limited amount of light in the room, it was probably four in the morning. I took a seat at the end of my bed, sitting up straight and proud with my head held high. I took a few breaths and looked around my room while I tried to tame my hair. I must've moved a lot during my sleep, the braid doesn't usually come undone by the time wake up.

"I'm fine," I reassured myself. I'm not in Circe's island anymore. I'm not enslaved in a pirate's ship. I'm in Camp Jupiter. I'm at home. It's just me here. There was no need to pretend. Besides Aurum and Argentum "resting" at the corner, I was alone. I let my wall crumble and slouched.

"Why do I pretend?" I asked myself loudly, "Why do I put such a show of perfection that I know I can't truly reach?"  
Sighing, I buried my face in my hands and I began to break. The storm I've been holding back behind a calm for so long was being released. I knew that no one was forcing me to handle all of this. I was the praetor, though. It was expected for me to carry on my responsibilities, but there was so much to think about. I couldn't just think of just myself; I had to think of the whole camp. I'm busy all the time. They were depending on me. I was aware that I wasn't the only praetor around here; there was Percy. But even Percy has someone to lean on. He'd be leaning onto Annabeth very soon. Jason. It struck my mind. He was coming today.

The tears were not needed to be forced out. My breathing was not normal. My heartbeat was irregular. Right above my chest, it felt as if someone was hovering a knife and I had to breathe in a way so that I wouldn't touch it. I missed him. Terribly. I didn't want to admit that I loved him. It doesn't seem worth it. Spending years at Circe's Island meant thinking men were not necessary. They really weren't. But we all need someone to lean on. Yet who would let a statue as emotionless and cold as I lean on them? I wanted to push him away. I could hear my now heavy breathing fill the empty room. I can handle myself. But can I truly handle it all? I can be independent. Yet no one truly knew me as he did. Did he still know me? There was a lump in my throat that I couldn't easily swallow down. I'm falling apart. I hugged my knees and shut my eyes tightly. It was an odd feeling of comfort that I had given myself. For a moment, I was able to pretend it was Jason. Without even thinking, I slapped myself. I was ashamed of what I've done. I wasn't ashamed of the minor act of self-harm, but the thought of having Jason to lean on. I shook my head in disgrace, self harm won't help the situation I'm in right now. There's no need to inflict more pain upon myself. I felt strong ambivalence towards him. I had fallen for him, but I wanted to push him away at the same time. What did they call it? Philophobia, the fear of falling in love. It's a constant battle for me. I smiled slightly at my small comment. My dear mother is the goddess of war; unfortunately, I was not prepared for this kind of war. I wanted to run away from these thoughts, but how can I run away form my own mind? I have to hide it. I can't show weakness; I am Roman and I _will_ be strong. I can't show that I'm vulnerable. I bolted into a straighter seating position. I've heard campers describing me as stone cold, it's better for them to keep thinking I'm that way.

_ Would he still remember me? Percy lost his memory. Did Jason lose his too? _

I was lost in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed my palms were beaded with sweat. I looked up and tried to pull off my most placid face as I wiped my palms on my jeans, trying to look as casual as possible. Was I nervous? Definitely, but if I showed it, the others would be as well, I can't risk anyone having a sudden impulse to shoot the Argo down. Sure, they were enemies, but Jason was there. Percy wouldn't be even close to dissatisfied if they were to shoot down the Argo carrying Annabeth either. Percy's loyalty to Annabeth interested me. It amazed me how he stayed true to her. Not that I was jealous, but Jason was- I mean, _is_ my biggest "what-if" for me. I shook my head and twitched my lip. I was about to smile at the small thought, but forced it down when I was reminded of the visitors coming. They're Greeks and they can't be trusted. I had to have my guard on the whole time.

He didn't remember me. Not even _us. _

My lip trembled and almost blew my whole facade down. Stupid girl, don't make it obvious. I looked at him and forced a smile. He was smiling. He was home. He was happy. If he's happy, I should be happy. My eyes were watering. Damn it. I quickly brushed away the tear, and made it look like I was simply tucking some loose strands of hair behind my right ear. A lump in my throat wouldn't let me speak. If I did, I knew I would crack. Then and there, the guy who had once told me to not put so much pressure on myself, made me feel lowly. I wasn't good enough. I never was. So it _was _worth it to beat myself up to perfection. I didn't like the feeling. If I kept pretending, maybe it'll come true that I am emotionless.

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Was Reyna OOC? I hope you guys liked it, I really do :D  
Feel free to leave reviews, point out incorrect grammar or misspellings, incorrect usage of past-tense, etc.

Thank you so much for reading it!

Love, J


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